Attack on Mary Sue
by spike that ass
Summary: Shrek/Haikyuu!/Yandere Simulator crossover. Leaving behind Miyagi thanks to a new job opportunity his mother received, Kageyama is enrolled into Akademi High in West Tokyo. Too bad no one told him that he'd have to join forces with an ogre and a budding serial killer to restore order to the natural world after a demon summoning goes wrong. Please don't actually take this seriously.
1. Chapter 1

"No," Ruto Oka whispered, trembling. "It can't be. This wasn't supposed to happen!"

Snarling, Ayano grabbed Oka by the shirt collar of her uniform while Kageyama watched as a figure rose from behind the billowing black smoke.

"What kind of demon have you summoned?!" she demanded, her eyes blazing as she held a knife to Oka's throat.

"Don't kill me!" Oka pleaded. "I'm the only who can send it back...!"

"Send what back?"

"What the hell is going on here?" Kageyama muttered, rubbing his eyes. This smoke was seriously getting irritating. And that mysterious lardy shape was not helping anything. His heart raced with fear and he longed to run for his life but his feet were rooted to the ground.

And then the smoke dissipated, revealing—

Ayano's eyes widened.

Kageyama stared.

Oka swallowed before sighing in relief.

"Thank god it's not—"

"Fiona?"

Shrek, in all his green glory, had arrived.

* * *

 **Earlier that week...**

"Whoa, who's the new kid?"

"Kyaa! He's soo hot...!"

"Is he a transfer?"

Kageyama Tobio yawned to himself, completely oblivious to the comments that several girls were making about him.

 _So this is Tokyo._ He glanced at the sign that said "Welcome to Akademi High" before continuing on his way, passing through the school's iron gates.

 _I wonder if the volleyball club here is any good._

Naturally, Kageyama had gravitated to the prestigious Shiratorizawa Academy as his first choice for high school, but he had flunked the entrance exams, having not even scored double digits.

Karasuno High had been his second choice, but then his mother had suddenly announced they were moving to Tokyo so she could take up a job offer there.

And now here he was, changing into his indoor shoes while drinking a carton of strawberry milk.

His locker was located right next to a girl with an unusually large bust size who wore her hair up in two purple drills.

Noticing that she was in the presence of a new student, she smiled and said to him, "Hi there! You must be new around here. I'm Haruka Kokona, a third year."

"Oh, erm, Kageyama Tobio. Do you know where class 1-2 is, Haruka-senpai?"

"Oh! It's on the first level. All of the first year classrooms are." She smiled at him. "Hey, since you're new around here, why don't I show you around? It's my duty as a senpai, after all and class doesn't start for another hour."

"Ah, okay." He bowed respectfully to her. "Thank you, Haruka-senpai."

As Kokona led him around the school and it's various facilities, Kageyama's mind was only on one thing. And that one thing, of course, was volleyball, the game that he had completely immerse himself into.

"... And the incinerator's over here." The girl grimaced. "The delinquents hang out here but they won't bite too much if you pass peacefully. Don't respond to any of their taunts or else you'll be in big trouble. Thank goodness that the leader's not around otherwise they'd be a hundred times worse."

"What happened to him?" _Was he expelled or something?_

"Her," Kokona corrected as they returned to the main building and to the courtyard, where a lovely fountain sat in the centre. "And she was suspeneded for her violent tendencies."

 _Wow. I didn't know that girls could be so violent._ He glanced around the courtyard. _... Tokyo is so different from Miyagi._ A pang of homesickness hit him. _I wonder how different things would have been if kaa-san hadn't gotten the job._

"I'll leave you here," Kokona said cheerfully, joining a group of girls who were engaged in gossip. "Just talk to me if you need anything, Kageyama-kun!"

"Ah, wait! Where's the volleyball club?"

"Volleyball club?" Kokona's voice wavered nervously as she saw the intense look Kageyama was giving her. "Umm... you might be better off talking to the President of the Sports Club about that..."

* * *

To say that he was disappointed was an understatement. At first, he had been royally pissed, sullenly sitting through class with a glare so fierce that even the teacher avoided unnecessary contact.

But now, all he felt was hollow disappointment as he sat on a bench at the roof, pulling out his bento.

 _I can't believe there's no volleyball club._

Students milling about the roof cowered at the dark aura he was giving off but Kageyama didn't notice.

"I can't believe this," Kageyama said to himself, unable to accept the damning reality of there being no volleyball club. For the genius setter, this was an absolute nightmare.

He had nearly finished eating when a shadow of a girl swept past him, a determined look on her face.

The girl had dull black hair that was tied back in a ponytail, her choppy bangs framing her heart-shaped face nicely.

But that Kageyama noticed most of all was just how sneaky she was being. As she neared a corner, she squatted and waddled as close as she could to whatever was behind that wall.

Suspicious, he got out of his seat and followed her, making sure to keep his footsteps quiet.

"... Ever since my mom died, my dad's been drinking a lot," a familiar voice drifted through the air as he neared the black-haired weirdo. Kageyama paused to listen to Kokona seemingly pour her worries out to her friend.

Kokona went on to explain that when her father got drunk, he sometimes came into her room. She cut herself off then, much to Kageyama's ire.

What kind of trouble was his upperclassman having at home? She might have been eighteen, but she was still a girl. What if her father was hurting her?

At that moment, the black-haired stalker stood up to her full height, the crown of her head bashing into Kageyama's chin.

"Fuck!" both of them shouted at the same time out of shock and pain.

Kageyama rubbed his chin while the girl cradled her head, both looking extremely ticked off.

 _As if I don't have enough shit to deal with,_ Kageyama thought.

"How much of that did you hear?" the girl demanded, her eyes narrowed in accusation.

"I should be asking you the same question," he growled. "Is stalking people and eavesdropping on their conversations a pastime of yours?!"

Granted, he had done pretty much the same thing, but that was beside the point here.

"One of my many hobbies," the girl said flippantly. Kageyama gave her a skeptical look, unsure whether she was joking or not. He sincerely hoped that she was. She glared st him suspiciously. "Stay out of my way."

" _You_ stay out of _my_ way."

"Tsk." With that, she was off. By the time Kageyama got his bearings together and turned after her, she had vanished.

He blinked at the near empty rooftop. The only other student up there at this moment was a green-haired ditz that liked to bother this indie game developer with emails containing pointless and tedious questions.

Or at least that was what the rumours said.

The black-haired girl remained in his mind for the rest of the day and not in a good way. As he walked back home to the apartment he shared with his mother, she still plagued his mind.

There was something _off_ about that girl. Stalkerish tendencies aside, she was creepy.

 _Tch. Weirdo._

Too bad that things were only about to get stranger around Akademi High.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Welcome to my latest disaster in making. Please try not to kill yourself too soon.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_"Well if it isn't my favorite serial killer,"_ Info-chan snickered from the other side of the phone. _"Did you need something?"_

Ayano cut to the chase. "Give me everything you know about the kid in class 1-2."

She could almost see Info-chan smirk on the other end.

 _"It wouldn't hurt to be a little more specific, you know."_

"Oh, please," Ayano snorted, her patience wearing thin. "I'm really not in the mood for your mind games. I had to beat up a guy who dared to glare at my senpai in the street. So cut the crap. You know exactly who I'm talking about."

 _"Tsk, tsk, so impatient... presuming that you mean our latest first year transfer, Kageyama Tobio, that'll be fifteen panty shots."_

"Fifteen just for one guy? Are you trying to rip me off? You've always given me other people's basic information willingly. What makes him so special?" _He's annoying and rude as hell. But, then again, who am I to speak?_

"Oh, you'll see. I'll send over everything I know about him as soon as I get my payment."

"Whatever. I'll send them over now." _Good thing I saved lots on my phone..._

As soon as Info-chan got her payment, she chuckled. _"Pleasure doing business with you..."_

There was a click as Info-chan hung up, leaving Ayano to look over all the information Info-chan had collected about one Kageyama Tobio.

 _Let's see here... volleyball player in middle school... moved here recently thanks to a job opportunity presented to his mother... yadda yadda yadda..._ Her eyes gleamed. _Oho. What's this now? Disgraced at his middle school tournament? His entire team walked away from him? Rejected from Shiratorizawa? How interesting._

Ayano tucked the information away for later. Right now, she had to figure out how to get rid of her senpai's irritating childhood friend: Najimi Osana. That annoying twin-tailed bitch thought she could harp her way to senpai's heart? That the way she swayed her hips and pouted her lips was _cute_ and _endearing_?

 _I'll make her think twice._

She could almost feel the blood on her hands as she imagined herself stitching Osana's lips together before dismembering and/or mutilating her body. She laughed to herself, her cheeks flushing as she became increasingly exhilarated with the prospect of murdering Osana.

 _Oh, yes, this is going to be fun._

And nothing would get in the way.

Or so she thought.

* * *

"Hi, honey, how was school?" Kageyama's mother said in lieu of greeting. She was chopping up carrots for tonight's soup, practically beaming as she did so.

"Great." Kageyama didn't even bother to inject false enthusiasm into his voice.

Instantly, his mother frowned, her happy mood disrupted. "Tobio. What happened? Was someone messing with you at school?" She abandoned her post at the kitchen to join her son on the living room couch, where he sat sullenly.

"No volleyball club."

Oh.

 _Oh._

She winced. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I know how much volleyball means to you..."

Kageyama released a noncommittal grunt, turning on the television and changing the channel until he reached the a game of men's volleyball. His brows furrowed as he stared longingly into the TV, his fingers twitching—imagining a ball in his hands as he did one of his masterful sets.

He reached down to the side of the couch and fished from the floor a volleyball that had just been lying around. He clutched it in his hands, getting a good feel of it.

His mother sighed. "Tobio, I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted to stay in Miyagi but... this new job is life-changing. Maybe now we can actually pay bills on time."

Kageyama gave her an uncomfortable look, unsure how to lift his mother's mood. "Uhh... it's... okay. I'm sure they have a volleyball gym outside of the school somewhere..." He patted her arm awkwardly. "I'm happy for you, kaa-chan."

Without warning, his mother drew him into a tight embrace. Kageyama stiffened at first before slowly relaxing into her touch, propping his chin on her head. "Kaa-chan..."

"Shh. No more talking, Tobio-kun. I love you very much. You've always been such a kind and considerate child."

Breathing her scent and melting into her arms, Kageyama felt at peace for the first time since waking up that morning. At least some things would never change.

* * *

There was a ritual knife in the Occult Club room, Ayano remembered as she entered the school gates on Tuesday morning, an hour before classes started. If she could just get her hands on it without any of the Occult Club members noticing. It'd be difficult, but not impossible. If her memory served her right, their schedules allowed about a five to ten minute gap for her to sneak in and grab the blade during lunchtime.

 _Right,_ she decided, smiling to herself. _I'll grab the knife and then jump precious Osana-chan._ That morning, Ayano had stalked Osana and Yamada Taro—her senpai—to school. She had hidden behind a bush and observed as Taro let Osana borrow a book that meant a lot to his sister, Yamada Hanako.

Which meant that Osana would spend some time by herself reading the damn thing to please her senpai. While Ayano could have simply damaged the book by dropping it into the fountain or slicing it up into shreds, she wanted Osana _dead_ not despised by senpai (though that wouldn't be a terrible thing either). No way in hell would Ayano ever spare Osana. Her annoying voice drilled into her head through class at times and Ayano seriously needed that tsundere stockings-wearing whore out of the way.

 _For the sake of senpai and my sanity._

As she changed her shoes to her indoor ones, she noticed Kageyama greet Kokona and vice versa.

Well, _someone_ was eager to make friends.

It was common knowledge that Kokona was the slut of Akademi High. Rumors about her engaging in compensated dating ran rampant around the school. She was usually seen with the "rainbow six", a group of girls with colorful hair reminiscent of a rainbow, but they weren't _really_ her friends. At first glance, it might seem like she was part of their clique, but Ayano had noticed how she was always one step behind them as they stomped around campus, gossiping loudly.

 _Looks like Kokona-chan is making some advances on the new kid. Tsk, how disgusting. Doesn't she have older men to please?_ She recalled the conversation she had overheard yesterday and her lips quirked upward. _Her father is abusing her, isn't he? The way she made it sound..._

But whatever. She'd worry about Kokona later. Right now, she'd blend into the crowd and focus on sneaking into the Occult Club room for that oh-so-sharp ritual knife. Osana wouldn't even get to scream as she sliced her throat open.

* * *

"Haruka-senpai," Kageyama said to Kokona. "I need to ask you something and you have to answer me seriously."

"Oh? What is it, Kageyama-kun?"

He looked at her solemnly, halting in his walk. "Is your father hurting you?"

Kokona startled. "N-no! Where did you get that from?" She frowned. "Are you trying to imply something?" Almost shamefully, she looked down at her large bust size. "I-I may look like this but that doesn't mean—"

"No, no," Kageyama interrupted her, unsure of what she was talking about. She kept looking down at her... chest? His face reddened slightly as he finally clued in. "You see... I overheard your conversation with your friend yesterday. I'm sorry, that was out of line of me but..."

Kokona relaxed. "Oh. Well, thanks for your concern but it's really not like that." She gave him a strained smile. "You're a nice kid, Kageyama-kun, so I won't really mind sharing with you. Just don't listen in to anymore conversations, okay?"

"R-right..." He bowed. "Again, sorry."

"It's fine. You see, Kageyama-kun..." She clutched her books even tighter. "My father... is in debt. H-he got involved with some pretty shady people—loan sharks— who keep upping the interest rate every month. He's been drinking a lot because of it. When it becomes really bad, he comes into my room and... cries."

"Cries?" _I definitely wasn't expecting that,_ Kageyama thought.

Kokona nodded in affirmation. "Yes. He... cries about his debt. My mom died so I'm the only one he has left." She fixed him with a pleading look. "Please don't tell anyone about this, Kageyama. I put a lot of trust into you when I told you that. Not even Saki knows about this."

"Of course. I won't tell anyone," he promised. They were about to part ways for class when Kageyama remembered something. "Wait, Haruka-senpai. What's the name of the loan shark company?"

"Huh? Oh, it's..." She frowned in thought. "Oh, right! It was called Ronshaku Loans."

Kageyama tucked that bit of information away for later research. A little insight into this shady company wouldn't hurt. Kokona was obviously in deep and Kageyama, now that he was unoccupied since there was no volleyball club, wanted to help her, even if it was just by a little.

 _Ronshaku, huh? That name sounds familiar..._

He was nearing his classroom when an obnoxiously bratty voice sounded in the hallway.

"Like oh my gawwwwd," a girl with bleached-blond hair and a fake spray-on tan whined to her friend, who donned an 'emo' or 'goth' look (Kageyama didn't really know how to differentiate between the two) and had her dyed purple hair covering one eye. "I soooo need some ciggies right now."

Kageyama stared at them openly. He thought there makeup made them look quite clownish and ridiculous. A teacher popped her head out of a neighboring classroom.

"Ronshaku-san!" she said sternly to the ganguro girl. She turned her eyes to the emo girl. "Hikari-san! Get to class immediately!"

Giggling, the two girls jogged down the hallway and upstairs to their classrooms.

Before the teacher could scold him, Kageyama gave her a quick nod and entered his own classroom, where many students were just beginning to sit down.

* * *

 ** _A/N: -sigh- why am i doing this to myself._**


End file.
